I was working with someone recently and asked them to pick up a particular object we had been pondering. What the object was is not material to the story - it was one of those pivotal objects I’ve talked about in posts past. It was small and seemingly insignificant, but it had us engaged in quite a conversation: Client: “No, I haven’t used it in the three years since I bought it. I should just get rid of it. But actually, as I hold it, I realize I do like using things like this. Maybe now that I’ve uncovered it, I can find a use for it.” Me: “Ok, then, where would you like to store it so you can find it?” Client: “NO! I don’t want to store it, I don’t have room! This is crazy. I need to pitch it.” Me: “So shall we donate it?” Client: “But then again…I haven’t even opened it. I’ll keep it. I’m sure I’ll use it.” And so on. Perhaps the dialogue sounds familiar. I finally asked the client to stop and breathe deeply, and tell me exactly what he felt when he held it and looked at it. “Waves upon waves of discomfort.” I think sometimes we all encounter objects we own, or even tasks or obligations, that elicit similar feelings. We humans don’t like to be uncomfortable, do we? We have invented all sorts of fascinating tools to keep us protected from discomfort, like electric blankets and air conditioning. The world managed to do without either until they were invented in the early 1900s (and how many electric blankets have I taken for donation over the years?). In my research for “inventions that make us more comfortable,” I even found this nifty device: But I digress.
The point is, when someone tells me they want to make their spaces more organized and manageable, they often use words like “peaceful” and “comfortable.” The irony is that getting to that place of peace and comfort requires engaging in what is, for many people, a distressing process. A process that has been avoided to avoid discomfort. Which then leads to being uncomfortable with life, which leads to a phone call to an organizer or other professional to help with the discomfort. Ack. Pinpointing the exact source of irritation can be like herding cats. If we have lots of clutter, it makes us uncomfortable. If we let go of the clutter, it might make us uncomfortable. Or is it more that thinking about letting go of the clutter makes us uncomfortable? Or both? Is it easier to just decide to be comfortable with the current situation? There’s a lot to dig into here, and in the coming weeks, I’m planning to do just that. It's part of why I renamed the blog. Instead of only sorting through things, my work with clients involves taking a look at what all is behind the things that need sorting. It's never been just about stuff. For the record, my client worked through their discomfort. They accepted where they were, and kept the object in question - which actually led to a much bigger positive result (and some peace and comfort). As always, I'd love for you to share your thoughts. Where do you come face to face with discomfort, or irritation, or unease in your organizing adventures? p.s. And what do you think of the name of the blog?
8 Comments
7/29/2019 10:22:12 am
I LOVE your new blog name, The Stuff Behind the Stuff. Because truthfully, that's what it IS all about. The stuff is the entry point, but it's what it represents, how it makes us feel, what truly is important, that bubbles up. And through that search, it can be, as you so beautifully described, but uncomfortable...VERY uncomfortable. However, most growth and change comes with some challenge. The idea of accepting some discomfort is a useful one. I look forward to reading more and always enjoy your perspective.
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Sara
7/29/2019 11:31:39 am
Thanks Linda - I'm glad you like the name! And I know for myself at least, if I'm uncomfortable it's a good signal that I need to shift something. I was definitely uncomfortable with the old name. I'm not sure where all of this leads just yet, but happy you're along for the ride. :)
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7/29/2019 08:22:54 pm
I agree with Linda - love the new name! I have been fascinated to "peel the onion" of decluttering over the years and learn about the deep relationship between our us and our physical belongings. A client last week expressed his need to pause because, "he had given enough away" that day. It is so important for us to listen and be tender through the process. Even when the end result is worth some difficult decisions, they can still require a lot from us. Looking forward to reading more!
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Sara
8/1/2019 06:06:09 am
Thanks, Seana. That listening piece IS so important, isn't it? Not just listening to clients, but listening to ourselves and how we react when someone else is uncomfortable.
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Pam Gregory
8/1/2019 08:32:02 am
I love the new name too Sara! I literally laughed out loud at the electric blanket remark. I'm positive you hauled off mine last year!
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Sara
8/1/2019 04:48:22 pm
Ha! Entirely possible, Pam. Hopefully you haven't been missing it, and are very comfortable without it. ;-) Thanks for stopping by!
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Lauren Roman
8/3/2019 04:00:46 pm
Sara, the new blog name is brilliant!!! In fact, sounds like a book title to me... ;-) Thank you for sharing your insights & helping make our lives better... I'm looking forward to upcoming posts unpacking the stuff behind the stuff!
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Sara
8/4/2019 08:36:38 am
Thanks for the comment and feedback, Lauren. I always appreciate your insights!
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AuthorSara Skillen - Certified Professional Organizer®, Certified Organizer Coach®, wife, mom, dog-lover, author. Learning to trust my intuition more every day. Shall we work together? Archives
January 2021
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