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The Stuff Behind The Stuff...                                  
                                    

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Our Homes, Our Selves

1/13/2019

10 Comments

 

“There is nothing as un-neutral as a home. Even the most ordinary home is an implicit theater to subversive inner happenings. It is the most self-effacing laboratory of consciousness quietly shaping belief, expectation, and life direction.”

-John O’Donohue, from To Bless The Space Between Us 
I'm seeing and hearing about a lot of people working on their homes right now. It’s a new year, and there’s another craze inspiring this work, and I think that’s a good thing for the most part*. I hope and trust that the progress people make with letting go, making decisions, and creating comfortable spaces will serve - although you can bet it won’t be static or final. Organization waxes and wanes, even in the most efficient, mindfully purged/folded/filed homes.

I had been thinking about this flurry of national decluttering activity when I came across O’Donohue’s words. They pretty much leaped off of the page I was reading. It’s tough for me to comment on the quote (it already says everything so beautifully), but it resonated so intensely I decided I was supposed to try to make something of it. So...

I take comfort that everyone’s home is "un-neutral," biased, maybe even weird - at least in some way. Mine definitely is. Being comfortable with this “un-neutral” idea seems to take some of the pressure off.

I’m privileged to be in all sorts of homes, all the time. Are they ordinary? Are they unusual, typical, exceptional? I don’t know - it’s in the eye (and heart) of the beholder, isn’t it?  It’s not for me to say. I can attest that they all have “subversive inner happenings,” because how could they not? All those swirling motivations, compulsions, conflicts, emotions, tragedies, comedies. The stuff that occupies the home space always reflects these very personal happenings in some way. We spend a lot of time talking about the things in the home, instead of the people who are the minders, users, curators, and discarders of said things. 

A recent New York Times article about the heaviness of clutter is a sobering look at the effect of our belongings on our selves.  The article recounts a study where people who perceived themselves as having a cluttered home tended to have increased levels of cortisol (a stress hormone) throughout the day. Notice it said, “perceived.” Again, disorganized stuff is in the eye of the beholder (or audience), not in the eye of the stuff itself. From my experience, too, it’s interdependent: stressed people often create disorganization, and disorganization generally creates stressed people.

So most of all, I appreciate the idea that a home (or even a workspace) can be a laboratory. Without meaning to sound flip, aren’t we all conducting a bit of an experiment with ourselves?
  • “Maybe I’ll try this method.”
  • “Let’s see how this arrangement would work.”
  • “I’m going to clear this out, and then I think I’ll be happier.”
  • “Would it help if I tried _______?”
The experimentation is part of why I love my work, supporting people in shaping the direction they want by setting up and maintaining an environment. Stuff ends up being a catalyst, a constant, and often a side effect - depending upon the observer. 

What sort of hypothesis could you test out, in your subversive, self-effacing, un-neutral home?
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​​*No, I have not watched the show. I probably will someday, once all the fuss has blown over. I’m contrary that way.
10 Comments
Seana Turner link
1/14/2019 07:01:20 am

I love the idea of a home being "un-neutral." I think this is the difference between a home and a hotel room. The hotel room may have nice furnishings and be tidy and clean, but it isn't home. There is an energy in the personal items we keep in a home, and that is a good thing. We don't want them to take over our space or make it un-functional, but they make it our space.

Reply
Sara
1/14/2019 11:40:38 am

That's a great comparison, Seana - a hotel room is transitional, so no biases or personal energies there. Maybe that's why I have so much trouble falling asleep in them!

Reply
Hazel Thornton link
1/14/2019 08:19:29 am

Interesting perspective, Sara! We are, indeed, all "conducting a bit of an experiment with ourselves". And practically everything we've ever experimented with -- hobbies, fashion, decor, relationships, etc. -- leaves physical traces that range from precious keepsakes to outright piles of clutter. And clutter IS, totally, in the eye of the beholder.

So...we need to recognize when we are no longer the person that we once were, or the person we once hoped to be, and clear the clutter to make room for the person we are NOW, and the one we currently hope to be.

I love how you refer to "another craze" and "the show" without naming it, lol!

Reply
Sara
1/14/2019 11:43:12 am

Love your phrase "the person we once were, or the person we once hoped to be." That's really the crux of the challenge most people have, ins't it? Letting go of those things so that the Now can fill in where it needs to. Thanks for the comment, Hazel.

Reply
Linda Samuels link
1/14/2019 10:05:52 am

What a quote! It's captivating and I understand how it inspired you to write this piece. Thank you for sharing it and the idea of our homes being "un-neutral." I like what Seana said that a home isn't a hotel room. A home is an expression of who we are and what we're feeling (on all ends of the spectrum.) As organizers, we work with our clients to help get those aspects of the who and what to be in more supportive alignment.

By the way, I know what you mean about all the hoopla about "the show." I started watching and then couldn't do it. So I tried again with an open mind. And while there's a ton to day, the one big takeaway is that even while we all may have different methods for helping (which is a good thing, since no two people are the same,) the people being helped experienced significant, positive change. It doesn't matter what the catalyst is. What IS important is that people discover what motivates and works for them so that they can experience life in a nurturing, supportive, unemcumbered way.

Reply
Sara
1/14/2019 11:47:50 am

Sure, I have no complaint with "the show" :-), or the book or any other method that seems to help people succeed. I just always have a weird aversion to the latest thing, and I'm not sure why that is. I will watch it at some point, and see what I can learn. Thanks for commenting!

Reply
Sabrina Quairoli link
1/14/2019 10:06:42 am

What a great quote! I never heard of it before. The home is a personal place, a place that evolves over a lifetime. I am looking at stuff from the past, memorabilia, photos, etc... and asking myself. 1. do I remember where I got this? 2. does it instill in me negative thoughts or emotions? These questions are ones I used since I was a teenager to determine what I am willing to get rid of. These useful questions help promote getting rid of my stuff. It works for my clients too especially when we go through memorabilia items.

Reply
Sara
1/14/2019 11:50:36 am

Yes, Sabrina, I highly recommend the book it came from. Or anything he wrote, really. I like the questions you ask, particularly the one about instilling negative thoughts or emotions. One I often ask is, "Does this ____ make you a more successful you?". There are many great questions to provoke thought and look at objects from different angles.

Reply
Janet Schiesl link
1/14/2019 02:38:51 pm

I also work in homes and find it fascinating how un-neutral they are, just like my clients. Your home should reflect your personality, your values, your goals. Your home is a reflection of you.

Reply
Sara
1/15/2019 07:39:23 am

I totally agree, it is fascinating...and now you have me looking around at MY home this morning. It's definitely talking. :-)

Reply



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    Sara Skillen - Certified Professional Organizer®, Certified Organizer Coach®, wife, mom, dog-lover, author.  Learning to trust my intuition more every day. Shall we work together?

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