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The Stuff Behind The Stuff...                                  
                                    

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Control

11/11/2018

10 Comments

 
What is it about being more organized in a space (or in a system) that helps us, truly makes a difference for us? Is it being able to find things quickly and easily? Is it the way the space looks? The sense of accomplishment? Lack of excess? Feeling more environmentally conscientious and responsible?

It certainly can be most all of these things. But I think there is one key idea that gets overlooked: control. I tried googling the terms “organizing” and “control,” and came up with pretty much nothing (other than an intimidating sounding book about German corporate management systems). Perhaps control has some negative connotation in our society that makes us shy away from a connection. We do talk about people being “controlling,” or someone wanting to control a situation in a manipulative sort of way. Some more positive synonyms include (depending upon whether you’re using it as a noun or verb) mastery, handle, manage, authority, oversee, curb, adjust, supervise.

I happen to think that when we organize a space, no matter how large or small, we give ourselves some time and ability to be in healthy control (authority) of something. Think about it: too much in the way of stuff or commitments causes overwhelm, yes? How many times have I heard clients say something like, “I feel like everything is out of control!”? So why wouldn’t we want to create conditions that would help us get back into control? If we choose to donate a pile of novels we know we won’t reread, we are controlling (managing) both our decision to let go (a good thing if the books are taking over the living room) and to some extent, controlling where the books go (also a good thing for someone who will eventually enjoy them).

Years ago, when our daughter was born prematurely and spent some time in the NICU, much of the birth process was taken out of our control. I had been so careful during the pregnancy, taking those vitamins, resting, eating well, going to all of my doctor appointments. But for whatever reason (we will never know why) - she decided to show up early. Zero I could do to influence the situation, and as it turned out, nothing much that all of the medical professionals at the UNM hospital could do to alter it either. We didn’t get to go to birth classes, have our choice of music in the delivery room, or even decide when we could take her home.

The day after she was born (healthy, thank God, if small), I left her side for a short while, went down to the hospital cafeteria...and called into my office at work. I checked in with three colleagues who were handling my projects, all of whom expressed shock that I would even think about dialing in. I explained at the time that it just helped me to feel normal, but upon reflection, I think what it really did was help me to feel some measure of control during a time that felt so uncertain and unsettling. Alternatives to my calling into the office might have been…oh, I don’t know…scarfing down donuts, or staring at the TV for hours, or worse.  I certainly didn’t spend all of my time working from the hospital, but I was actually kind of - dare I say it?? - productive. I felt better, and I think our daughter deserved a mom who felt a little less inept.

So when we're staring down a pile of medical paperwork after a lengthy illness, or a closet full of memories after a death, or a garage of boxes after a move, taking just a few steps needed to process the items helps to not only clear out the clutter but also regain some trust in our own ability to manage something. Ticking off a to-do list item, even if it’s just one, can reassure.

As I write this, we are experiencing myriad situations in our world that leave us feeling helpless. I get that clearing out a few files or labeli
ng the garage bins isn’t going to change any of those things, but could it give us a tiny little slice of peace? Help us to feel competent, and maybe get us ready for bigger challenges?

What could you take control of today? 
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Go ahead - you'll feel better.
10 Comments
Julie Stobbe link
11/12/2018 06:29:06 am

In some of my presentations I talk about control also. Giving the client or family member the control over their things can make decluttering with them so much easier. When they know they have the power to make the decision, they make better decision about their stuff. If they feel they have no control over the situation they just want to keep everything.

Reply
Sara
11/12/2018 04:08:18 pm

There's another good word, Julie - power. I think "power" gets a bad rap, too, and it's kind of a shame. Reclaiming power when you feel you've previously had none is pretty huge for a lot of clients, wouldn't you agree? Thanks for the comment.

Reply
Seana Turner link
11/12/2018 07:58:33 am

I had a similar experience... got one birthing class in only:) I find organizing definitely makes me feel that I'm gaining control over something when other things are feeling beyond my control. When I'm stressed, I clear out closets and drawers. It feels like mastery or at least one aspect of life.

Reply
Sara
11/12/2018 04:11:46 pm

Sounds like we could compare birth stories, Seana. My favorite thing to organize when things feel out of control, believe it or not, is paperwork. Maybe because reading what's on the paper takes me away from whatever feels overwhelming.

Reply
Sabrina Quairoli link
11/12/2018 10:45:20 am

When I was younger, and things were out of my hands, I found organizing a drawer or closet was my way of controlling my surroundings. It helped a lot. Now a days, I like to share that "control" with my clients. Remember, finding something that you can change in your immediate surroundings will always be more productive.

Reply
Sara
11/12/2018 04:13:42 pm

Sort of like the Serenity Prayer, yes? And changing what you can in the immediate surroundings isn't always a small thing - sometimes it makes huge differences in both physical and energetic ways.

Reply
Kim link
11/12/2018 03:33:32 pm

I find that when people feel out of control in some area of their life they often need to take control in another. I know if my place was really messy and feeling I would feel like I would need to clean up and get that sense of control back.

Reply
Sara
11/12/2018 04:17:32 pm

Yes, and sometimes we also need to let go of control too, right? Like if we come to the realization we're just banging our head against the wall, shifting to a more manageable, less un-controllable task or system helps open things up. Thanks for stopping by!

Reply
Janet Barclay link
11/14/2018 05:20:31 am

I've come to realize that a lot of the things people do are done in an effort to feel they have control over something. This is a very insightful post!

Reply
Sara
11/15/2018 10:29:52 am

Thanks Janet - more than we know, I think. I've noticed sometimes clients experiencing grief will really get a boost from clearing a small space, or from just going over their calendar. Anchoring themselves to something that feels normal, perhaps.

Reply



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    Sara Skillen - Certified Professional Organizer®, Certified Organizer Coach®, wife, mom, dog-lover, author.  Learning to trust my intuition more every day. Shall we work together?

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